When I was seventeen years old, I was in such a dark place I would often “schedule” days where I would attempt suicide. Thankfully, God didn’t allow me to follow through on my schedule and I kept moving the date back until that thinking slowly cleared from my mind. Not only were most of my classes getting more difficult and stressful, I also had a verbally abusive instructor who haunted my thoughts. He was so mean to me that my dad demanded to the school administrators that I’d be allowed to drop that class immediately! However, I didn’t know my dad was on my side at the time. I just felt alone in a sea of people that neither wanted me nor knew me well enough to care about me. This was where my depression was almost at its worst.
But God visited me in these moments, and about a year later, I received salvation through Jesus Christ. Slowly but surely He began to infuse hope into my life. However, the life I have now is not the “success” I had imagined when I was growing up.
Although I don’t have the “success” I imagined when I was a child, when I wanted to be an astronaut and then some type of professional/scientist/writer making a six-figure income, I couldn’t be much more joyful!
That is because God opened my eyes to see something more important than worldly success or even human appreciation—His love!
His love allowed me to have my current job, and then become full-time there.
His love allowed me to find a church where the pastors rely on the Word of God for their living and daily wisdom, and who strive to be godly and righteous every day, and urge us to do the same.
I have learned so much from the people He has brought into my life at both my job and my church. There are so many things that I can do now that I never thought in a million years I would be doing.
For instance, at one of my first jobs, about sixteen years ago, I tried to learn to cashier but failed so badly I never thought I’d do anything like that again.
However, about two years ago, I asked my manager at the time if I could learn to cashier so I could be a certified back-up. She agreed and allowed me to practice at least 15-20 minutes each week to train. Many people discouraged me from even training, including a person who claimed to be a good friend of mine. One person even said, “The CSMs (managers of the cashiers/front end) would never call you up to ring!” However, my manager and I didn’t take this to heart, and I continued practicing. About a month before she left for a new job, I was instated as a back-up cashier! It’s been more than a year since then. The CSMs actually call me up quite often, and I am one of the few associates who is trained as a back-up cashier!
I had many disagreements and issues with a couple people, and I asked God to improve these relationships. In my faithlessness, I never thought anything would happen. However, my current pastor helped me restore one of my relationships, and now this person and I have such a respect for one another that I can safely say that I love them! I also learned from my current pastor to think more biblically about life situations. If my pastor had not imparted God’s wisdom into my life, I don’t know where I would be now.
There are countless people that God has brought into my life since the time I was seventeen that helped me see His love and hope in my life. To God, and to those people, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
In about one to two months of this writing, I will have to say “Goodbye” to all these people, and move into a new chapter of my life. However, I know God will still show me His love and care, and that He will reveal more of His light to me. I am so thankful that God didn’t let me end my life on any of those days 21 years ago, because if He had, I would have never seen the Light that was ready to shine brightly in my life all along.
About Patricia Go:
My name is Patricia A. Go, and my love of writing started when I was just eight years old, when I remember writing little stories on cut-up pieces of construction paper stapled together. I have been actively involved with various church ministries for about fifteen years. I have volunteered at a church’s food pantry and health clinic. I started my blog on December 23, 2015. God’s Whisperings is a blog that started out as wanting to share with others lessons that I learned about what God had been teaching me through various situations in my life, and quickly became, for me, a catalyst to bring people God’s love, hope, and joy through what I have learned in life. I work full-time at a job that has nothing to do with writing, but I love it and consider it a ministry. Also, God uses the situations I find myself in at my day job to teach me lessons, many of which I share in my blog, at http://placeinthisworld224.wordpress.com