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Stupid People, Covid-19, Imprecatory Psalms, and Justice

I’ve wondered for a long time how to understand imprecatory Psalms. There are so many of them, and they seem so antithetical to Jesus’ command to love enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Are they products of a bygone era we should just ignore?

Reading C.S. Lewis’ Reflections on the Psalms helped me with this, and so did reading the notes from the NIV Cultural Backgrounds Study Bible (I have it through the Tecarta Bible app). I started reading through the Psalms again a few weeks ago, and I’m surprised how much grace and beauty I see in these Psalms (I know, call me crazy).

In the ancient Near East, people believed that gods won battles, not necessarily people. If your nation/army won, it was because your god was stronger than the other nation’s god (or gods). Your god was superior. Additionally, ancient Israel was in a covenant with God in which God promised blessings if Israel obeyed Him. (This is a general statement. God never said nothing bad would ever happen to them if they obeyed, but He did say bad things would definitely happen if they didn’t obey. We are in the New Covenant, not the Old, so drawing direct parallels between the modern church and ancient Israel is often fallacious).

Many of the imprecatory Psalms take place in some sort of military context. David (or the psalmist) is being pursued by enemies, and he is praising God for deliverance or asking God for deliverance. For one, the psalmist often defends his own righteousness to God and points out his enemies’ wickedness. He is advocating to God that he has obeyed, and he hopes for God’s favor upon him. He is also pointing out to God that his enemies have not obeyed, and he hopes for God’s judgment upon them. He also believes that his God is stronger than his enemies’ idols, and he asks God to demonstrate that.

The psalmist bemoans that the wicked seem to prosper, and that the wicked oppress him and others when they don’t deserve it. He can’t stand seeing this, and he knows God can’t either. So he prays for justice. He prays that the righteous would be vindicated and that the wicked would be judged.

The psalmist demonstrates that anger against injustice is a valid and godly emotion. He also demonstrates that wanting justice to be done against the wicked is a valid and—dare I say—godly emotion.

This is good news. I want a God who will judge the truly wicked, those who take advantage of and oppress the vulnerable. There is very little more infuriating to me than when I see people with power oppress the vulnerable. And if you read the Bible, you’ll see there may be nothing that angers God more. To those who have been abused, taken advantage of, oppressed: God will never let your oppressor go unpunished. He will vindicate you. As a loving God, He cannot do otherwise.

But how do we reconcile this with “love your enemies”? I think the desire to see justice done to those who have wronged us and the desire to see them repent can go hand in hand. There are two options for the oppressor: either he will bear the judgment for his sin or Jesus will (meaning Jesus took the punishment for his sin on the cross—if the person repents). Either way, God’s justice on the person is satisfied. However, from our perspective, it would be preferable for the person to repent. There is nothing more vindicating to the oppressed than the oppressor falling on his knees, confessing how he has wronged you, and asking forgiveness. True love doesn’t just want someone to suffer for his sins; true love wants others to experience the joy of the Father—while knowing that God took care of justice when Jesus bore the punishment for us. God’s justice and mercy are not at odds. He can be merciful to sinners because His justice has been fulfilled on the cross.

This frees us to love our enemies and not seek revenge. We don’t need to seek revenge because vengeance belongs to God. While we don’t need to be asking God to smash our enemies’ teeth (nowadays, our “enemies” aren’t seeking our lives, so our prayers don’t need to sound like they are), it is okay to express the desire that justice be done on oppressive persons. We also need to remember our brothers and sisters in Christ who do have enemies that brutally oppress them and/or seek their lives, and we can pray imprecatory Psalms on their behalf.

For those of us who may not necessarily experience extreme oppression or abuse, we can still have the desire to see justice done whenever we are significantly wronged. For example, right now during the Covid-19 crisis, there are inconsiderate people who don’t care about the elderly or immunocompromised, and they continue to party and venture into public spaces. They may not be actively oppressing others, but they are committing sin by their arrogance and absence of compassion. If you are elderly or immunocompromised, it is right for you to be angry at them. They are essentially saying your life doesn’t matter, and that is egregious. Experiencing the desire for justice to be done to them is okay. Just remember that God takes care of the justice, not us.

Whenever it is that someone oppresses us for his or her gain, the resulting desire for justice is valid. We just need to rethink our definition: justice on that person isn’t necessarily that they lose all their possessions or they lose all their power (or anything like that). Justice isn’t childish retribution. But when we realize that God is the perfect judge, we are freed to cry justice, justice, justice!

 

W.R. Harris is the founder and owner of Persevering Hope. He is an author who has written six books to date. You can check out his author website here: http://wrhwriting.com/

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Seek First His Kingdom, and All These Things Will Be Given to You

The following is an excerpt from my devotional book Pursuing God’s Kingdom Day by Day https://www.amazon.com/Pursuing-Gods-Kingdom-Day-ebook/dp/B07SL2GHFM/

Considering the current Covid-19 situation, this passage might be helpful. I pray our nation would lean into God and have peace.

 

There are many things that can distract us from seeking the Kingdom. Money may be the primary distraction, although pursuing sexual pleasure and social status are big ones, too.

I can certainly relate to money. It’s not that I chase after fortune so I can have a big house and lots of cool stuff. It’s just that I worry about not always having enough to pay the bills. My wife and I have never had that problem, but it’s a worry at the back of my mind. What if this happens? What if that happens?

Some of you may relate. Yes, we should be cognizant of and wise about our finances, but we have to be able to trust God and not let worry consume our lives. It doesn’t matter how much you know about God’s kingdom and how to pursue it if you spend all your time worrying about money (or anything else). I understand some of us may have to work a lot to pay the bills, and that’s okay. As we discussed earlier, your work brings the Kingdom to earth. But if we’re spending our free time worrying about money and not seeking God, we need to seek help from our small group, trusted friend or pastor, a recovery group, or counselor. Or, we may just need to pick ourselves up and go serve someone.

Jesus addresses this in Matthew 6. He exhorts His audience not to worry about life’s necessities: “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’” (Matthew 6:31). We should remember that His audience in this passage likely consisted largely of poor people. They were dependent on the harvest for food, so we can imagine they worried about the harvest’s productivity. Jesus knows that. He grew up in Galilee—He knows the people’s mindset and how they think about food. His response to this concern is to trust that God will provide because He “knows that you need” all these things (verse 32).

God wants us to trust Him enough to pursue His kingdom. In fact, He wants us to pursue His kingdom “first,” and, He says, “all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). That is, make God’s kingdom your priority and He will provide life’s necessities for you.

Questions: What worries or distractions are keeping you from pursuing God’s kingdom? What steps can you take to break free from those worries and distractions?

Prayer: God, it’s hard sometimes to focus on your Kingdom. I’m worried about and distracted by _______ (fill in the blank). Teach me how to trust you instead and pursue your Kingdom. Show me the steps to take to get there. Amen.

 

 

W.R. Harris is the founder and owner of Persevering Hope. He is an author who has written six books to date. You can check out his author website here: http://wrhwriting.com/

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Tearing Off the Mask

“Oh, I’m doing great!”

“Things have been wonderful.”

“Oh yeah, things are awesome on my end, too!” *insert fake smile*

 

Have you ever caught yourself using one of those statements? I have—many times. When someone asks how you are, you automatically know that they don’t want to know the reality. They just want a quick, “Great! And you?” Thus, we shy away from telling the truth, from saying, “Ya know what, actually, things have been tough. I could really use some prayer.”

 

Instead, we put on a mask—maybe it’s a smiling mask; maybe it’s a mask that looks tired but has the determination to keep going, even if you run out of steam. We often have quite a time admitting that we’re struggling, especially when we’re not sure if the person we’re speaking to believes in mental illness or understands the extent of our physical illness(es) or grief.

 

Are you bearing your load alone? Of course, as many will say first, it’s important to note that the Psalmist said God carries our burdens for us (Psalm 68:19) and that Jesus said His “burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). However, it’s important to realize that we need people and community around us. We need support systems. We need to be real and vulnerable with other humans, which, yes, means tearing off that mask that we very well may wear 24/7. And when we tear off those masks? Inevitably, some of our own skin is going to come off. It’s not a question of if it will be painful to be real with people, but rather a question of how much it will hurt. As the skin comes off with the masks and we begin to unburden our very hearts to another human, parts of our heart will leave, as well. This is often the hardest part.

 

We armor our hearts–in truth, the very essence of our beings–sometimes so well that when we begin to chip away at walls and pull apart armor and reveal even a bit of what lies within, we, in fact, have to give up pieces of ourselves. We can no longer protect those pieces—they’re in the hands of the people we’ve befriended or been befriended by, the people we’ve decided to trust with the innermost of our beings.

 

In all honesty, as well as an amazing friendship displays such acts, there is truly no greater relationship than that of marriage to show how this plays out. And since marriage is a picture of Christ and His church, you don’t need to actually be married to understand. Simply being one of God’s children allows you to see this relationship, though, admittedly, it’s more imperfect when there are two humans involved, as opposed to one human and one God.

 

However, for the sake of illustration, I will use marriage between a husband and wife—it just doesn’t get more real that that! It’s the end of a long day. Perhaps you’re a stay-at-home mom, and the kids have been getting under your skin all day. No doubt, they’ve seen you without your mask, because you’ve probably snapped at one—or all—of them, at some point. And then your husband comes home. He, too, has been wearing a mask all day at work, but he drops it the moment he comes in. You can see the level of fatigue in his eyes as he takes in the laundry that’s still piled up and the number of dishes in the sink. “What have you done today?” he asks.

 

It very well may be a perfectly innocent question, meant simply to inquire, but you take it personally. I kept the kids alive! you may want to scream. Oh, and I did wash the counter…once. Your mask may come off, and you may say just that. You may refrain. It changes daily.

 

Or maybe you’re in my shoes: homemaker due to being disabled; struggling with infertility; lying, depressed, on the couch, near daily. You feel like a failure—a broken wife and human. Your husband comes home from work to see the same pile of laundry and dishes you’d have if you had three kids, but it’s just you, save the weekends your stepdaughter is with you both (and you feel that you have life)…and he asks the same thing. Maybe you didn’t keep the kids alive, but you kept yourself alive. And you want to scream that, but you’re too tired.

 

Either way, both your masks will come off. Sometimes, that results in fights; but, if we’re more intentional about removing the masks and the armor and the walls, we can have beautiful fellowship with our spouses. We can cry or rejoice…or both! We can be real. We don’t have to pretend that it was a great day. We can tell the truth. We can be raw. And we should be.

 

May we, if married, practice this within our unions. If you, dear reader, are not married, find a good friend with whom you can be yourself—vulnerabilities and all. Tear off those masks and tear down those walls. And when the pain comes with it, welcome it and shed those inevitable, but cleansing, tears.

 

 

Alyssa is an author trying to break into the field, but willing to go where God wants her to with her writing. She writes Young Adult Christian novels in an effort to bring the truth back into the lives of young people in which it is often so severely lacking.

She has overcome 13 brain surgeries, 4 spinal cord surgeries, and countless others since 2009 alone, and battles two organic brain issues, a traumatic brain injury (TBI), Bipolar II, two different anxiety disorders, and more mental illnesses. Her goal is to reach others with the Gospel and what God’s taught her through her ailments.

Alyssa lives in Central Florida with her husband, part-time daughter (a blessing that came with marriage!), and three fur babies.

Check out Alyssa’s blog: http://teacupsandpaperroses.wordpress.com/

And check out her author Facebook page: http://facebook.com/teacupsandpaperroses

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Where’s Your Worth?

I look back at 17-year-old me, 18-year-old me, 19-year-old me…and my heart hurts. My heart hurts because, in my eyes, my worth was directly related to whether I had a man in my life, specifically one that I was going to marry (preferably by the time I was 20).

 

I went to college (possibly the absolute strictest Christian college at the time) at the young age of 17. I went as a summer worker, to put money toward the school year; I was there for Elementary Education and Speech. But in reality? I was there for what many jokingly called an M.R.S. That was my main goal, though I’d never say.

 

I met a man over seven and a half years my senior and was quickly smitten. He treated me well, and I fell hard and fast—my track record was filled with zero boyfriends and way too many romance novels.

 

I feel bad for that 17-year-old because I felt that I needed a man to complete me.

 

But 18-year-old me is for whom I truly shed tears. The man I was dating soon alienated my friends and even my family. He forced me to stop using the phone my parents had sent me to keep in touch and put me on his phone plan. He set up an email for us to use jointly (all while setting up his private one behind my back). He forced me, with threats of violence and getting me kicked out of school, to become a staff member at the college, as opposed to a full-time student. At that point, I was placed in a staff apartment, in which he was allowed. (Boys had not been allowed in girls’ dorms as students.)

 

After that, the emotional and mental abuse became physical and lightly sexual. But I was stuck. I felt stuck, because this man would go so far as to threaten my life, but some strange part of me still wanted to marry him. Not because of who he was but because he was male, and certainly, after I married, all would be well. After all, that’s all I’d ever wanted—to be married. That would solve everything, right? We’d have children, and they’d be my whole world…and everything would turn out all right in the end, because he wouldn’t matter all that much in the big scheme of things.

 

But then I turned 19, and things continued downhill. I wound up, five months after my 19th birthday, having my first brain surgery. It was a hellish seven weeks of four brain surgeries, a gall bladder removal, meningitis, sepsis, and more. Thank God (truly) that my mother spent the seven weeks with me. She dealt quite well with my first boyfriend (then fiancé), even though she, at the time, didn’t know the extent of the abuse.

 

That whole episode sent me home to central Florida, where I was able to break up with quite possibly the most toxic person I have ever met.

 

There are nights I still weep for that young girl who thought her existence hinged on a man.

 

All that said, ladies, I am absolutely behind your hinging your worth on a man…but be sure it’s the right Man—the Man Who shed His blood and died on a cross 2,000 years ago for your sins, was buried, and rose three days later. Hinge your worth on that Man—the Lord Jesus Christ.

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Just Because You’re Lonely Doesn’t Mean You’re Not Close to Christ

I’m a part of a few Christian mental health Facebook groups, and one thing I hear repeatedly is the notion that if we feel lonely it’s because we’re not close enough to Christ. Don’t get me wrong: I believe closeness to Christ can help loneliness. Feeling His presence is amazing. But He also hard-wired us for human interaction, and if we don’t get it, then the natural (and God-given) response is to feel lonely.

In our individualistic church culture, people talk as though your personal relationship with Christ is the only thing that matters. But a healthy walk with Christ necessitates that we seek out Christian community. God didn’t design us to walk with Him alone—He designed that a people would walk with Him. To deny others in favor of a one-on-one relationship with Christ is to object to His desire and call for our lives. Misguided Christians guilt lonely brothers and sisters into thinking they aren’t close enough to Christ when in reality to seek Christ at the expense of community is to fall farther away from Christ. Their solution is the problem. To walk with Christ is to walk with others. We should seek community while not neglecting our individual closeness with Christ.

If we feel lonely, we should do our best to find community. We should think of ways to invite others over or to create hang outs that others would want to attend. When we get frustrated, we keep trying. And during this process, we continue our personal prayer and Bible reading time. That, I think, is a better solution than simply telling people to get closer to Jesus.

 

W.R. Harris is the founder and owner of Persevering Hope. He is an author who has written six books to date. You can check out his author website here: http://www.wrhwriting.com/

 

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Help Me to Want Healing

Depression can be addicting. We grow accustomed to our negative thinking patterns. Something in us enjoys chastising ourselves for every little mistake. We don’t know any other way to deal with pain besides feeding it. We don’t want to deal with the world, so we close ourselves off. It becomes instinct.

Some part of us wants healing. We know life is miserable and that it can be better. But depression can become what we know, and we can’t imagine life without it. So we refuse help because we don’t really want it.

This is a hard position to be in. I’ve been in it before, and it took me coming to a place where I wanted help more than I didn’t want help before I finally spoke up. If you find yourself not wanting help, pray that you would want help during those moments when you feel desperate. Pray something like, “God, so much of me doesn’t want help, but I want to want it. Please help me to want help.”

Keep praying that prayer. Never stop. A few years from now, you may be pleasantly surprised at the result.

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Metamorphosis

When I was seventeen years old, I was in such a dark place I would often “schedule” days where I would attempt suicide. Thankfully, God didn’t allow me to follow through on my schedule and I kept moving the date back until that thinking slowly cleared from my mind. Not only were most of my classes getting more difficult and stressful, I also had a verbally abusive instructor who haunted my thoughts. He was so mean to me that my dad demanded to the school administrators that I’d be allowed to drop that class immediately! However, I didn’t know my dad was on my side at the time. I just felt alone in a sea of people that neither wanted me nor knew me well enough to care about me. This was where my depression was almost at its worst.

But God visited me in these moments, and about a year later, I received salvation through Jesus Christ. Slowly but surely He began to infuse hope into my life. However, the life I have now is not the “success” I had imagined when I was growing up.

Although I don’t have the “success” I imagined when I was a child, when I wanted to be an astronaut and then some type of professional/scientist/writer making a six-figure income, I couldn’t be much more joyful!

That is because God opened my eyes to see something more important than worldly success or even human appreciation—His love!

His love allowed me to have my current job, and then become full-time there.

His love allowed me to find a church where the pastors rely on the Word of God for their living and daily wisdom, and who strive to be godly and righteous every day, and urge us to do the same.

I have learned so much from the people He has brought into my life at both my job and my church. There are so many things that I can do now that I never thought in a million years I would be doing.

For instance, at one of my first jobs, about sixteen years ago, I tried to learn to cashier but failed so badly I never thought I’d do anything like that again.

However, about two years ago, I asked my manager at the time if I could learn to cashier so I could be a certified back-up. She agreed and allowed me to practice at least 15-20 minutes each week to train. Many people discouraged me from even training, including a person who claimed to be a good friend of mine. One person even said, “The CSMs (managers of the cashiers/front end) would never call you up to ring!” However, my manager and I didn’t take this to heart, and I continued practicing. About a month before she left for a new job, I was instated as a back-up cashier! It’s been more than a year since then. The CSMs actually call me up quite often, and I am one of the few associates who is trained as a back-up cashier!

I had many disagreements and issues with a couple people, and I asked God to improve these relationships. In my faithlessness, I never thought anything would happen. However, my current pastor helped me restore one of my relationships, and now this person and I have such a respect for one another that I can safely say that I love them! I also learned from my current pastor to think more biblically about life situations. If my pastor had not imparted God’s wisdom into my life, I don’t know where I would be now.

There are countless people that God has brought into my life since the time I was seventeen that helped me see His love and hope in my life. To God, and to those people, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

In about one to two months of this writing, I will have to say “Goodbye” to all these people, and move into a new chapter of my life. However, I know God will still show me His love and care, and that He will reveal more of His light to me. I am so thankful that God didn’t let me end my life on any of those days 21 years ago, because if He had, I would have never seen the Light that was ready to shine brightly in my life all along.

 

About Patricia Go:

My name is Patricia A. Go, and my love of writing started when I was just eight years old, when I remember writing little stories on cut-up pieces of construction paper stapled together. I have been actively involved with various church ministries for about fifteen years. I have volunteered at a church’s food pantry and health clinic. I started my blog on December 23, 2015. God’s Whisperings is a blog that started out as wanting to share with others lessons that I learned about what God had been teaching me through various situations in my life, and quickly became, for me, a catalyst to bring people God’s love, hope, and joy through what I have learned in life. I work full-time at a job that has nothing to do with writing, but I love it and consider it a ministry. Also, God uses the situations I find myself in at my day job to teach me lessons, many of which I share in my blog, at http://placeinthisworld224.wordpress.com

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Lift Your Spirit

My last drill. My last weekend wearing the uniform of the United States Army. It’s bittersweet, but this morning I’m not feeling very motivated. I don’t want to go, I have a headache. Is there any excuse I can use to get out this? No. This is my commitment to fulfill. I can see the light. I can finish this strong. One last time I get in my car and drive down the canyon, taking the road that leads me to my unit armory. It’s early. I’m tired. But I’m going.

As I’m driving I have a lot of time to think, and I do a lot of thinking. I don’t want to, but I do want to. I need to fulfill my commitment because the next chapter is coming soon. Despite everything, it is bittersweet closing out this chapter. Twelve years is a long time, especially when I basically grew up because of the Army. My entire adult life has centered around my military career and the places it’s taken me, the things I’ve learned. It’s prepared me for this time now, for where I am going next. My next chapter of life.

There’s peace in my decision to get out. There is no peace in my unit this weekend. That’s where the internal struggle peaks as I drive down the canyon lit up by a full moon in the early morning hours. As I come out of the canyon into town the sun is starting to peak over the horizon.

There’s one stop I need to make before completing my drive. Coffee. I pull in the drive-thru, order, and pull out my money to pay. When I do I pull out an extra $5. I didn’t plan to, but I felt led to do a random act of kindness. There wasn’t anyone directly behind me, but why not pay it forward anyway. I pull up to the window, pay, and get my coffee. I then hand the cashier the $5 and tell her to save it toward the bill of the next person who pulls up. As I drove away my spirit immediately shifted. I felt lighter, and I smiled as I continued on toward my destination. I have no idea what happened with the next customer or how long the pay it forward chain may have went on for. But I know at least one person was blessed, and that’s all that matters. It lifted my spirits as I headed into a tough weekend, but knowing at least one person was blessed through something so simple as paying for a cup of coffee helped to ease my anxieties. I arrived at my unit in a better state of mind, and someone else was also starting their day in a better mood as well. It really doesn’t take much to keep encouraged, as long as you keep your eyes open in looking for the opportunities. Sometimes we have to reach outside of ourselves and encourage another so that we can be encouraged as well.

 

“Then, by the will of God, I will be able to come to you with a joyful heart, and we will be an encouragement to each other.” – Romans 15:32

 

Tracy is a soldier and veteran of the United States Army. Newly married and living in the beautiful mountains of Colorado, she chronicles her journey through her “Chats With God”. Currently pursuing a Graduate Certificate in Military Resilience and a Master of Divinity, Tracy has a passion for helping others overcome anxiety, depression, and mental health problems. You can learn and read more on her website at http://tracydalton.com/

This article was originally published on Tracy’s blog: https://tracydalton.com/2020/01/15/lift-your-spirit/#more-3225

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Replacing Pessimism with Praise

My anxiety disorders and, especially, my bipolar tend to turn my attitude towards one of skepticism and pessimism. I find it truly difficult to be thankful and positive. I’m much better at complaining and seeing the worst in absolutely everything.

 

But something hit me today: if I spend more time giving praise and thanks, there’s not much room for that horrible skepticism and pessimism that infiltrates every aspect of my life.

 

How did it come to me? I honestly believe God put it on my heart through the Holy Spirit.

 

I had put in laundry to wash and emptied the dryer. Of course, the constant pull of, “I don’t have to fold this now,” was there, as always. But I forced myself, because it needed to be done.

So I sat on the couch and began to fold. About three pieces in, I realized something was missing. My normal, absolute favorite, radio station wasn’t playing. I usually play country music throughout the apartment as I do housework. It simply makes me happy. But as I folded two more pieces of laundry, I felt a pull to pray. I battled for a moment: do I pray, or do I play my feel-good music?! It only took another piece of laundry to realize I was feeling a sort of pressure to pray because I needed to.

 

So, I did.

 

I started with requests to God. But as I was requesting, throwing out my family’s and my desires and plans and needs, I kept thinking of the “ACTS” method of prayer—Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication. Although all important, as I paused, thinking of the fact that I needed to do more than just pour out my personal desires, I realized that I truly needed to spend some time in thanksgiving.

 

Thus, I began with what I was doing: laundry. I thanked God that we have a washer and dryer in our apartment, that we don’t have to use a laundromat or a community washer, both of which cost money. I thanked Him that our complex pays for our water. I praised Him for giving us clothes and the dressers and closets to put them in.

 

And I kept finding things for which to thank God as I folded laundry for a good half hour. I’m pretty sure I went through almost every seemingly insignificant thing in our home, but I was focusing on giving thanks instead of focusing on all that’s wrong, all that isn’t going correctly.

 

And, to be honest? It totally shifted my perspective…at least for this afternoon and evening. I’m sure tomorrow will be another fight, but I’m determined, in this new year and new decade, to give thanks every time I’m tempted to be skeptical or pessimistic. Thankfulness absolutely must win out!

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On Vulnerability, Depression, and God’s Sovereignty

No one knew.

Growing up, I seemed this bubbly, hyperactive little girl who got decent grades at school. I seemed to have it all–two parents who loved me, a cute little brother, and stability.

What people didn’t know was that inside I was being tormented by thoughts about never being “good enough” to the outside world. Unfortunately, many of them confirmed my fears. Most of my peers didn’t want to know me on a level deeper than “acquaintance”. I was bullied by several of them for any quirks they saw in me. There also were some racial and cultural prejudices that I had to endure.

I remember at the tender age of ten when the word “suicide” first entered the recesses of my mind. The demons in my mind deceived me into thinking this was a way out of all the pain I held inside for so long, laughing that they were going to somehow get me to ruin myself.

However, God in His sovereignty didn’t let that happen. I am still here, more than twenty-five years later.

Though God saved my life through Jesus’ shed blood on Calvary seven years after I first battled depression and that ugly word crossed my mind, it wasn’t until about seven years ago today that God revealed to me that I had indeed another weapon in my arsenal to defeat the demons in my head that had harassed me for so long.

My voice.

However, I was terrified to be vulnerable (i.e. open up) to others about my struggles. I feared rejection, ridicule and condemnation, which I believed would kill me emotionally and spiritually, if not physically as well. In fact, in high school, I was voted “Most Paranoid” because I trusted so few people.

But through the Spirit’s promptings, I obeyed Him, and began to share my story and my struggles to others–first just to close friends, then more publicly in my blog.

The rejection and ridicule I feared receiving was few and far between. Most people instead either related to me about their own similar struggles with depression or said that they would use my story to help their loved ones who were struggling similarly.

The more I opened up about my struggles, the more I saw people around me, both online and offline, and the more I realized that my story needed to be told. God, in His sovereignty, had a reason for allowing me to go through these trials. He needed to use my story to give people His hope and love that He gave me so many years ago, when He first came into my life and saved me. God saved me from more than hell–He saved me from giving up on myself and those around me that needed to hear my story, as much as I needed to hear theirs.

 

 

About Patricia Go:

My name is Patricia A. Go, and my love of writing started when I was just eight years old, when I remember writing little stories on cut-up pieces of construction paper stapled together. I have been actively involved with various church ministries for about fifteen years. I have volunteered at a church’s food pantry and health clinic. I started my blog on December 23, 2015. God’s Whisperings is a blog that started out as wanting to share with others lessons that I learned about what God had been teaching me through various situations in my life, and quickly became, for me, a catalyst to bring people God’s love, hope, and joy through what I have learned in life. I work full-time at a job that has nothing to do with writing, but I love it and consider it a ministry. Also, God uses the situations I find myself in at my day job to teach me lessons, many of which I share in my blog, at http://placeinthisworld224.wordpress.com

This article originally appeared on Patricia’s blog:

https://placeinthisworld224.wordpress.com/2020/01/09/on-vulnerability-depression-and-gods-sovereignty/